#i'm venting on main oh wow

[lalosaki030]

Tw: implied abuse, direct mentions of violence. NOT A SHIP POST.

I saw an abuse fic recently of these two that the creator orphaned on A03. This is how I envisioned them when I read the fic myself.

I feel like I should have drawn the ripped patches of skin on Eduardo.

I felt ugly when I put myself in Eduardo’s shoes.

Tord is equally if not more ugly to me. The only reason I drew Eduardo more distorted is because that’s how he probably felt. Broken, disgusting and filthy.

[brown-little-robin]

I need to sleep for 70 hours and then maybe I'll feel not evil again

[antiendovents]

actually, since i already commented on your post about tulpas and how they pissed me off; im gonna do it again. in detail.

note: i am a former buddhist, i live in a buddhist country. (95% of thais are buddhists) and pretty much been surrounded by it. im asian. saying it before people jump at me because im terrified as shit

as i mentioned, tulpas are stolen and bastardized completely from a tribe of tibetan buddhists, and the practice itself isn't even a system thing. while thai buddhism and tibetan buddhism are different in their own way, i am very fucking pissed off that they just saw the concept of a thoughtform spirit that helps you meditate, overcome your fear and guide you to nirvana (because that's the main purpose of buddhism) and turn them into "oh! we make alters because we can due to our meditation and we're spiritual so that totally excuses using a generally closed practice! we're not harming anyone!" total bullshit.

i don't want (and sorry if i'm a bit mean) those bigoted fucks stealing basically my culture since im attached to buddhism in general, i grew up with it. and "tulpa systems" slapping it on themselves for the sake of being "unique". i have seen countless comments and posts about how its always the white/non asian people that say "no its not a closed practice, its not cultural appropriation :) actually you should be glad we're appreciating your culture in the first place" fuck off! appreciating culture is fine, but you bastardize it so much and dumb it down to just "making alters/imaginary friends" are you just hearing yourself? are you stupid? are you braindead? god, im getting so angry again.

i have also seen "tulpamancers" insulting actual asians like me who speak against tulpas, saying that we're just "asian token of a character" or that we're "closed minded" and should accept these assholes who dont know what theyre doing into my culture and blatantly disrespecting it, spitting on it and just taking one practice that fits their narrative. wow, talk about being appreciative while half of your community does shit like this to actual buddhists, huh? real nice of you. way to go, you cultural appropriating fucks. /vneg

i cannot count how many times asian culture is so whitewashed on the internet, people that just take our tradition and do whatever the hell they want with it, including making a system out of thoughtforms, which is not possible whatsoever. and for what? FOR WHAT? for your own sick entertainment and enjoyment of having a imaginary friend in your head? try dissociating so hard you cry yourself to sleep you absolute pillock. this is a very angry submission, but it just frustrates me so much. all of the insulting "yous" are directed towards "tulpamancers" that they proudly call themselves. by the way. sorry if it sounded like it was directed at you, im just so angry at the moment.

one last thing. Stop. Using. The Term. Tulpa. For your system. Please!!!!. tulpa systems are not a thing and will never be. End of story. Nothing will change that. Endos fuck off. im sick of your shit. thanks for reading my angry rant.

-azriel for the majority of this, rox/virus proofreading some of the parts, thanks for letting us vent ^^

i dont have much to add, please read this ^^

[yaoireview]

review sockathan ! 👻👻👻

woah how'd you make that green

SOCKATHAN YAOI REVIEW

Disclaimer: This will contain spoilers (kind of) for Welcome to Hell 2 Part 1 and Welcome to Hell. You should probably go watch that. Its made by Erica Wester and its PRETTY cool.)

My Yaoi Entrepreneurs, I'll be blunt with you. I know we've ALL seen gay people, maybe in the streets, maybe at the park. You might even see one in your home now, so lets be honest with ourselves. Sock is DEFINITELY gay, bisexual at LEAST.

The OTHER one on the other hand.. its a little bit harder to say.. I'll probably find something though..

Lets make one thing clear, when I say Yaoi in this review. I don't mean ANYTHING inappropriate. Its just my special way of saying gay people.. I'm kinda magical in that sense.

Lets just get the first one done and over with a simple section I like to call:

EVIDENCE 1: SOCK IN GENERAL

okay so FIRST of all the FIRST time we see sock, they call Jonathan "hot stuff" while being in a fridge. I'm not sure about you but that's love if I ever saw it.

After that they introduce you to Sock killing his parents. One key point after another. If Sock being gay wasn't important, then WHY was it shown BEFORE telling us Sock's (other) main trait. Checkmate liberals.

Sock would then get the report from Mephistopheles, and you COULD say its just because the camera zoomed in, but its literally the most light ever seen in Sock's eyes.

And then Sock went on to ruin Jonathan's day, making him look crazy, and Jonathan SOMEHOW got blamed for knocking down that desk, I swear I think the teachers just hate him. I'm not sure about you but I certainly cant KNOCK over a desk thats right next to me.

He was WRITING too.. would a guilty man of desk flipping WRITE?? NO!!

And not to mention that Sock made Jonathan look DUMB in front of the faceless brothers which was probably the closest time that Sock did their job right.

Sock absolutely ruined it today.. but can you blame them? They're new to the job, give them some SLACK.

But the upcoming days, Sock was so whimsical.

Yeah SURE. Sock is still telling Jonathan to kill himself, but they just don't want to get fired!!

Not to mention the fact that they stared at Jonathan while they were taking a piss, but there's nothing odd about that.

And also near the end, Mephistopheles calls sock out on liking the guy, and Sock stutters. You just have to take my word for it.

SOCK IN GENERAL 2 [PART 1]

If you saw Welcome to Hell 2 [Part 1], you already know what I'm gonna comment about. Sock went on to call Jonathan's mother, hot. They then went on to say "Must be where you got it from, huh? You definitely got her butt at least."

When Jonathan goes on a walk and Sock follows them and says after Jonathan says he doesn't wanna be friends with them. (We'll get back to that)

"Oh wow, come to think of it, You don't really have ANYONE do YOU? What's that feel like? Knowing you're gonna die alone." to which Jonathan snaps back with "I dunno Sock, you tell me."

Now at first, this looks like a scene of ANTI SOCKATHAN propaganda, but think with me here, yaoiers. How would Jonathan know that Sock died alone??

I understand if he just guessed, since sock DOES look like someone who would die alone, or he just said whatever comeback that came to his head but if not, Sock ALREADY told Jonathan about their past life.

If what I KNOW is true, Sock VENTED to Jonathan about their life before they died in LESS than a week, since Sock just now sees Jonathan's mother in the first part, and due to a comment made by the creator.

Sock REALLY trusts this guy, maybe Mephistopheles didn't want to hear them vent, but maybe its JUST because Sock wanted Jonathan to do the same. but they probably didn't.

And then near the end, Sock says to Jonathan when he snatched his employee manual

"Jonathan, if something happens to you-"

Actually, I think this is pretty weak evidence but I thought I'd include it, since a teacher would say the same thing if a kindergartener was up on a high shelf.

That segment was PRETTY lengthy, but I PROMISE you, the others will be shorter, I just.. didn't expect there to be so much for Sock...

EVIDENCE 2: SOCK SUCKS AT THEIR JOB.

Jonathan was DEAD ON when they told Sock that they suck at their job. And quite honestly.. I could've done it better.. I could've got Jonathan to kill himself (theoretically) on the FIRST day, and if you wouldn't use my strategy, I promise you that there's probably several other you could use for the teenager that you want them to kill themselves at home.

STEP 1: GRAB A WEAPON

Since Sock is seen to be able to flip over a desk and they're able to HOLD Jonathan's journal (Shock or not), I should THEORITCALLY be able to grab a weapon, now for this strategy, I suggest you pick a nonlethal option, only to have a lethal option around, for this example, I will be using a sledgehammer.

After swinging that at the noggin, Jonathan would drop unconscious, probably with brain damage (that don't matter though)

STEP 2: POSSESS THE TEENAGER

Now it MAY not be like this in w2h, but Mephistopheles was able to possess Jonathan when he was DEAD (Probably), so It should hopefully work when they're out of consciousness.

STEP 3: KILL YOURSELF.

Alright now I KNOW that sounds bad.. but it wouldn't be MY hands to kill him. Grab the nearby lethal and SHOOT. THAT. TEENAGER!! Your boss may not agree with the logistics of this, but you get the job done.

This simulation was to PROVE that Sock atleast CARES a bit about Jonathan to want to get to know him. and to not kill him on the spot. Now if It was the other way around.. I'm not exactly sure..

EVIDENCE 3: JONATHAN KINDA HATES SOCK

(he looks like hes standing up to a school bully)

At the beginning of Welcome to Hell, hes clearly annoyed and STILL is annoyed by some of Sock's actions by the end, but he atleast isn't mad enough to NOT act like he could put up with Sock. I think the closest thing to gayness from Jonathan was when he moved the backpack for Sock to sit down.

In Welcome to Hell 2, he IS PISSED at this guy, and honestly, if Sock kept on knocking down those desks, i CANT blame him..

Maybe Sock kinda ruined the vibe when they expressed their love for Jonathan's mother, its hard to say really..

Jonathan makes this very clear that he DOESN'T even wanna be Sock's friend, I mean HAVE YOU HEARD THE THEME SONG?

SUMMARY:

Sock wasn't able to win Jonathan's heart, making him tonight's biggest loser.

YAOI: 6.5/10

[april]

aaargh the way davies era doctor who treats the companions is soooo good they've got their own lives outside the doctor they've got their own families who are actually fleshed out and are characters in their own right. moffat didn't fucking GET IT it's not about just one alien dude it's about people it's about their lives it's about the mess the doctor causes and how it disrupts the lives of people who don't want their lives disrupted.

i did watch all of amy & rory's episodes as they came out (i even remember the absolutely stupid way they died) but the way they don't really have lives outside of the doctor (until it's time for that to cause narrative friction LOL) makes them feel so much less real. i know part of the plot is that amy's parents got erased but she didn't grow up alone in that house and i couldn't tell you a single thing about [looking up who the fuck raised her on tardis.wiki] "aunt sharon"

and it's hard not to see the contrast to jackie tyler, widowed mum who drinks hot tea in her kinda shitty flat, who flirts with younger(-looking) men, who only had nice things to say about her daughter's father despite them actually having a turbulent relationship, who is rightfully livid at the doctor for stealing her daughter away, who is obviously so lonely and vents her frustrations realistically and who shouts at people when she's upset with them. she feels like a real person, and the way rose loves her, worries about her, phones her, comes home to her, argues with her... it adds so much to both of their characters and the doctor is part of their lives but he's not the focal point of everything. rose is the main character a lot of the time and she gets to have an actual web of relationships like one.

meanwhile amy & rory didn't even go home to consummate their marriage, they fucked in the tardis and that's a real plot point and okay yeah it's kinda funny. it is objectively funny that conceiving a child in the tardis makes that child part time lord. but it's not supposed to be funny, or at least i didn't read it that way, because then the next whole fucking season (or was it two?) is dedicated to all the cosmic consequences that come with the existence of that child and then reveals oh we already met this character but grown-up. we've known them for a really long time actually but we've kept all the backstory secret to keep you guessing. isn't that clever? it's a time travel show so you get to see things out of order! it's a mystery with no clues so we can definitely 100% wow you with the answer when we pull it out of our asses! annoying.

sorry what huh "media analysis"? no i'm just bitching don't worry about it. you scroll past now 👋 byebye

[noonmutter]

bit of a rant about Mists of Pandaria Remix below, skip this if you don't want to read what's mostly just me venting about some stupid shit the team did years ago. this involves minor spoilers about plot points that are largely irrelevant to the overall story but if you wanna be surprised you'd prolly be mad at me for mentioning

so I'm running through MOP Remix just like a huge chunk of WoW players right now, right

and this was the expac that'd come out before the expac I joined the game in, which was WoD. The Tanaan patch of WoD. I joined during an objectively awful part of WoW. People had a habit of singing MoP's praises (at least for the story) a lot in comparison to WoD, although the bar wasn't very hard to clear.

So I played MoP's story as a character that vastly outleveled it and didn't have to gear up and grind my way through it, and I had the same general experience as most new players did, which was constantly wondering what I was missing because a few fairly significant story beats were relegated to happening in novels or just had cinematics that weren't accessible in the game anymore, shit like that

and I remember actively avoiding the main alliance v. horde plot because I really didn't care, I wanted to see what the Shaohao stuff was about, because man those cinematics were gorgeous (and at the time, unique to MoP; they hadn't gotten lazy and reused the art style for Diablo 3 where it didn't belong yet). I wanted to know what those were about and how they expanded! And gosh, that was great and rewarding! Wow!

so in Remix, I'm running ALL the storylines, because every quest rewards a buttload of bronze and stuff, and gimme gimme gimme, I wanna collect all the cool shit.

but oh. my GOD.

I can't even evaluate the story from a watsonian perspective, where I look at the actions the characters take and their political ramifications and whether X person made the right call or if Y could've stopped this other thing if they'd just found the magic doodad or whatever. I simply can't. It's all written in such a hamfisted, "we don't understand politics or what actually causes systemic hatred or bigotry or the general concept of moral nuance" way that I cannot evaluate the characters because the writing is just not good enough to stay immersed in it when big plot points hit.

I can't sit here and compare Jaina's stupid murderous kirin tor rampage with Garrosh's Anything At All because I'm too busy thinking about all the ways both of them were poorly written into their respective story beats.

The Alliance and Horde stories do not depict the same events. An Alliance player sees the Horde do things that Horde players never even hear about, and vice versa. And it's not minor stuff. Alliance players do not experience an Alliance airstrip being built in one part of the Jade Forest, where they take Pandaren slaves--including children--to do it. We don't see it, we don't hear about it, it's never referenced even as a throwaway line later on. It's just a thing that happens completely in a vacuum. When I encountered this event in the Horde storyline, it was so unknown to me as an Alliance player that I went looking for the air strip and was surprised to actually find it accessible on the map. I fully expected it to actually not exist, phased or some shit, if you weren't Horde. That's how divergent it was. And that's bad. That's not like 'ooh wow what a twist,' that's 'who the fuck directed this?'

Remix really shines a spotlight on how immature the writing in MoP got, because it shows a fundamental lack of comprehension of the basic concept of equivalence. We didn't need to see both sides take slaves in order to accept that they were both equally morally wrong for perpetuating a racially-motivated war; they've already been doing awful shit to one another for years prior to the expansion that was good enough to showcase it. We especially did not need to not see our own side take slaves in order to stir up more hate against the other faction.

If that event needed to be included in the game so bad, it absolutely should've been something Alliance players found too. We should've been faced with the idea that xenophobia, zealotry, and hatred were not relegated to The Other Guy and that the guys who looked like us and wore our colors could be monstrous bastards, too. It would've played beautifully into the general theme of Pandaria.

But that writing team failed to do that at every opportunity, and given how beautiful and poignant other chunks of the story (the parts largely divorced from AvH) were, I can't think it's because the team itself was incompetent. It stinks of executive meddling and the kind of mentality that led to shit like the "build an entire expansion just to justify this cool image I have of Sylvanas burning down Teldrassil" incident.

It's just so disappointing to go through it and see it and be able to point a big neon arrow at it and go "this right here was a dev team actively encouraging its player base to actually hate each other" which is very different from encouraging competition. Even though the overarching theme of Pandaria was learning to let things go and swallow your pride before it destroys everything you care about, the actual plot frequently made the players experiencing it hate each other as people.

and I think that might very well have been an underlying point of Remix. because man does it make me appreciate the current story team even more than I already did.

[crsssie]

delusion

Word count: 1.1k

Content Warnings: unhealthy obsession, needles (acupuncture)

Summary: it's unhealthy, really.

It's an unhealthy relationship, really.

You go running back to Hinata each time something goes wrong in your life, and you sob your eyes out in his chest, brain spinning, tears hot. He's your soulmate, even if you weren't his. He left you for high school? You flew halfway across the world for him. You settled down in one of the local high schools rather than Hope's Peak, staying at Hinata's place and paying rent. You didn't do anything at his place considering that your school had dorms too.

But it wasn't Hope's Peak.

So, you suppose that's the reason that Hinata doesn't talk to you as much as before. He's busy with his schoolwork. There's nothing wrong with that. You can sit in his room as he does his work and everything else in between. You're just happy he hasn't kicked you out.

He used to do that when the two of you were kids; kick you out of his room when he needed to focus.

You would sit with his parents and chat instead. It didn't bother you. Not when each time he kicked you out he'd hand you a piece of candy he hid with a face redder than your cheeks when you fell in love with him. It was really simple and easy.

Hajime Hinata didn't like you back, but you were someone of equal importance to him.

So, you sit in his room again.

This time it's 11pm, and you're staring at his ceiling, ranting about how shit your parents are and how awful your classmates treat you. Hinata doesn't respond, but he's listening. He's listening in his own way. He's always done that.

It's not like you need him to respond anyway. You'd throw him out as soon as venting to him became pointless and null.

You consider it some nights

Tonight is one of those nights.

You go quiet first, eyes fluttering as you stand up. You need to get to your dorm.

"I'm heading home."

"Ah, right," Hinata hands you a sheet of paper, and you blink at it slowly.

"Why are you handing me a contract?"

"I need you to forge my parents' signatures."

"What is it for?" You scan through the paper as Hinata goes quiet. "Surgery."

"Yes."

"For a talent."

"Yes."

"You're selling your body for science? Wow, Hinata, not even I'm this stupid." You mumble, forging the signatures anyway. You're in love with him. How could you not? You spend every moment of your life thinking about your soulmate whose soulmate is definitely not you. You'd do anything for him. It's pathetic on your end, really.

You hand him the contract back.

"When's the surgery start?"

"Two weeks."

You have a weird obsession with him. You'd kill, die, burn, and do just about anything for Hinata. You've been obsessed with him since a child, and that obsession has not changed whatsoever. So, as you settle into Hope's Peak's main course as ultimate acupuncturist, you're placed on the surgery team that Hinata needs. You don't know why they need acupuncture, but it doesn't really matter. You're insane enough to make it to Hope's Peak for the love of your life. You think that's good enough of a reason.

So, as Hinata blinks at you at his diagnosis, you smile and wave.

It's a weird obsession with him.

Not like you were normal to begin with.

You look over his diagnosis, pressing points on Hinata's skin to try and loosen him up. You weren't hired because they needed one. You think you were hired because the woman in charge wanted Hinata to get pampered before death. Oh, well. You're thankful for her either way. You got to spend more time with your beloved Hinata.

So, you're back in his room at school.

It's 7pm.

"Why are you here?"

"Why not?"

"I didn't know you knew how to do acupuncture."

You tap your chin, reaching for an alcohol swab. "Family things."

Hinata waits as you push every needle into him, falling asleep as you sit in his room.

It's a little unhealthy.

In a moment where your delusion breaks, you stare at the needles on Hinata's body.

Maybe it was unhealthy.

But as quickly as your delusion fades, it comes back. Maybe this would be the last time you see him. ever. Even as you pull the needles out of his body, you stare at him. He's been like that. He's been slim since forever. Maybe they'd give him muscles after the surgery or something. You don't know the details. You hope you can continue to see him after it. It would be nice.

"Ready?"

"Um," Hinata holds onto your wrist. "One last request."

You wonder if he realized that your soulmate is him from that.

You're so busy with Hinata that you forget about your own problems.

An overflowing cup of emotions was never something you're ready to deal with.

So, at the strike of four, you sit in the glass chamber, staring at Hinata undergo surgery.

"You know," You smile. Nothing like trauma dumping to the two brain nerds. "I hate Hinata."

"What the fuck-" Matsuda's cut off with a harsh smack.

"Shut up.

You grin at the girl. "I wish he'd be a little more selfish like me."

"I can see that."

"He won't remember me, huh?"

"No." A pause. "But he'll be the ultimate everything. He'll be the ultimate therapist as well."

You tilt your head, meeting eyes with the red-eyed boy that steps out of the pod.

"He's kind of hot."

"Yeah, we made him that way."

You sit in Hinata— Kamukura's room, pressing needles into his skin, rambling about your issues.

Was it healthy? No.

But you were the same person to book a flight ticket and move away because you were in love with Hinata. You'd do anything for him, obviously.

You pull the needles from Kamukura, staring down at him as his eyes meet yours.

"You miss him."

"Yeah." You mumble. "How's it feel being alive? You're like... some new person." Your voice goes quieter, tears falling. Hot tears, as they always are. Hinata's gone.

Kamukura reaches for your hand instead. It might be muscle memory. Yet, he runs his thumb over the back of your hand mumbling. mumbling. You didn't even know Kamukura could do that. Maybe he was acting to further fuel your delusion. You're in love with him so much. It's a painful realization that you're still in love with Hinata even if he's Kamukura now. How pathetic.

So, as you cling onto Kamukura's arm as he watches the school burn down, you blink slowly.

Yes, it's unhealthy, but it's fun.

It's home.

Whoever this man was, anyway.

[luukka]

I'm getting obsessed with what Wish could've been and it's because of the concept arts, the fan animatics and songs, and so I translated At All Costs demo in french. I'm posting it because I don't know what the fuck I must do with it -nah for real, I'm not a musician I barely play guitar. I could sing but I won't, I have limits lol

Cher camarades français servez-vous, modifiez-la un peu si vous voulez mais créditez-moi qu'importe le résultat SURTOUT si vous la chanter, je veux entendre 👀

If happiness was a tangible thing (si le bonheur était une chose tangible)

It would be you (ce serait toi)

If you'd have told me the feeling you'd bring (si on m’avait dit que c’était possible)

I'd think it untrue (je ne l’aurais pas cru)

And people search for a wonder like you all of their lives (et les hommes cherchent une merveille comme toi toute leur vie)

You still amaze me after all this time (après tout ce temps, tu m’étonnes encore)

You pull me in like some kind of wind (tu m’as emporté dans une sorte de vent)

Mesmerized by the hold I'm in (envoûté par la poigne qui me prend)

Leave you here; I don't wanna (te laisser, je ne veux pas)

I wanna (Moi je veux)

Love you as one does (t’aimer comme il faut)

I, I will protect you at all costs (Oh, je veux te protéger à tout prix)

Keep you safe here in my arms (te garder, là, dans mes bras)

I, I will protect you at all costs (Oh, je te protégerai à tout prix)

At all costs (À tout prix)

(Wow)

What's pain when I look at you? No way (Comment croire en la douleur quand tu es là ?)

I could explain you even if I try to (Je ne peux l’expliquer, malgré ma volonté)

I'll never dream like I used to do (Je ne rêverais plus comme je le faisais.)

If someone tried to hurt you, I don't (Si quelqu’un te blesse, je ne vois pas)

See how that could happen (comment ça peut arriver)

I'd fight for you in ways I can't imagine (Je ne laisserais jamais rien te blesser)

Felt this? No, I haven't; I hope (Et toi ? L’as-tu senti aussi ?)

It would be alright to stay right here beside you (J’espère que tu es d’accord si je reste à tes côtés)

And love you as one does (Pour t’aimer comme il faut)

I, I will protect you at all costs (Oh, je te protégerais à tout prix)

Keep you safe here in my arms (Te garder là, dans mes bras)

I, I will protect you at all costs (Oh, je te protégerais à tout prix)

At all costs (À tout prix)

If you're ever feeling like you're lost (Si tu es perdu dans le néant)

I'll come find you (Je viendrais à toi)

Men all fronts (Encerclés de tous)

There's no ocean I won't swim across (Même le plus vaste des océans)

To be right by you (Ne m’éloignera de toi)

And not just once, here and now I swear on my response (Et sur ces mots, ta main dans la mienne je le jure)

I'll remind you (Je te promet)

And love you as one does (De t’aimer comme il faut)

I, I will protect you at all costs (Oh, je te protégerais à tout prix)

Keep you safe here in my arms (Te garder là, dans mes bras)

I, I will protect you at all costs (Oh, je te protégerais à tout prix)

At all costs (À tout prix)

[jinxed-sinner]

Came For the Grumpy Cat Demon, Staying For the Critique of Christianity™️

Hi, I'm Jinx. I'm a 20 year old autistic furry artist who ended up hyperfixated on Hazbin Hotel after it jabbed me in the religious trauma lol (basically I watched the scene for Loser, Baby, got emotionally attached to Husk's design, decided to watch the show, and decided "wow, this is a really good criticism of something that traumatized me! Also giving Lucifer autism was a big brain idea!!" My brain has been nothing but Hazbin Hotel because autism so I'm hoping having a designated blog for me to post random Hazbin related stuff will help me focus on non-Hazbin stuff because I swear to god I've never been this hyperfixated on ANYTHING

My main blog (where I post regular furry art) is @jinxedshapeshifter. My Hazbin themed furry art (such as Hazbin characters drawn as anthro animals) will be posted here.

I use the same personal tags on all my blogs, since they relate to the "jinxed" part of my username; those tags include:

#jinxed chatter - random discussion posts. This can be pretty much anything tbh

#jinxed fanart - any fanart I've done for Hazbin Hotel. Basically my art tag.

#jinxed headcanons - personal headcanons I have.

#jinxed analysis - any analysis posts I make. This can be anything from analyzing details in a specific episode to character analysis.

#jinxed overanalysis - anything I deem as overanalysis. Usually this basically comes down to "I noticed this tiny detail in this one scene, here are my thoughts on that detail" and it ends up being an obscenely long post for how tiny the detail is.

#biblically accurate radioapple - not necessarily a personal tag (I'm probably not even the only person who uses it), but a tag I like to use for posts that feel like could be canon Alastor and Lucifer interactions. It doesn't necessarily mean I view the post as a romantic Radioapple post, or even a platonic Radioapple post, it's just a tag I like to use for silly Alastor and Lucifer posts that feel canon.

#i will never shut up about how people treat alastors asexuality - A tag I use for posts venting about asexual people acting like there's one right way to be asexual and anyone who ships Alastor is either not doing asexuality right or actively aphobic. As the tag suggests, this is a topic I refuse to shut up about, because I myself am aroace and sick of dealing with other aroace people acting like there's a right or wrong way to be aroace. Aroace people can be in relationships, sex- and romance-repulsion is not a universal aroace experience and it's weird to act like aroace people using Alastor to explore their boundaries are experiencing being aroace wrong.

I'm currently writing a multi-chapter Radioapple slowburn fanfic. You can read it here:

I'm also working on a Hazbin fancomic loosely based on how I headcanon Vox and Alastor's relationship and centered on how I think Lucifer would react to it if he ever got attached to Alastor. You can read it from the start here:

I really like designing characters! Here's a design I made for Juno, a character I created as basically a self-insert (don't yell at me about mistakes in art style, I'm not used to mimicking other artists' art styles lol):

I've also had people ask me what hypoxemia is after showing them this goober so here's the Wikipedia page on hypoxemia

[meraki-yao]

You don't have to post it if you don't want to, you can also block me or delete it's ok, I just need to vent because this situation is hitting rock bottom and I can't stand how people don't want to see the problem:

In short: there is a video of the q&a where the female producer gets Casey pronouns wrong when talking about them. It's totally ok to point this out and give respect that Casey deserves BUT who was given the main blame? Taylor obviously, despite him also using the right pronouns during the panel, is guilty of not correcting the woman in front of everyone so he's bad again.

But this time we're not talking about that handful of idiot Nick fans, we're talking about the rwrb fandom that says they love him so much but once again for the umpteenth time they threw him under the bus without thinking twice even though he had no fault. And it will be the third time that the same fandom has exaggerated something against him, subsequently causing serious problems ( like racism and homophobia and doxxing which took place in december where everyone then washed their hands of it pretending nothing happened and they did nothing wrong)

And I'm so tired of reading that we just have to ignore that social because that social is the most active and followed and we know Taylor a few days ago saw stuff and posted and today Casey saw and posted a story. That social causes damage and everything they bring there is seen and affects all of them. So no it's not enough to ignore and put our hands over our eyes and just talk about how beautiful the sky is and I'm so tired and sad and heartbroken because every day even unconsciously they make it more and more evident that there isn't the same affection and respect for both, it's not true, one will always be seen with a critical eye "yes you are beautiful, perfect, so sexy, wow how beautiful these photos BUT you are a bit problematic, BUT you should be better than that, BUT you should learn better, oh disappointed but not surprised" and it is obviously always the poc man who has to be better who has to do better even when he does absolutely nothing wrong.

And this comes from the people who say they follow him and love him. It's no longer possible, that man has been attacked every single day for months, now he must also fall into the transphobic category because he didn't correct another person in front of everyone even though HE had used the right pronouns. But do we realize that this shit fucks up your mental health in the long run? But why doesn't anyone realize how serious the situation is? I cannot take it anymore and I feel like I'm screaming into the void and witnessing the moment when everything will get worse and fall apart and then we will be here sad because it didn't have to go that way for him

…Woah.

Jesus Christ what the fuck.

Okay um, here we go. This is a monster of response to write but here I am.

I’m gonna start by saying I am not a direct witness of any of this. I didn’t know about the misgendering issue during the Q&A, I didn’t really notice it when I watched the Q&A myself yesterday. I’m not on twitter and I don’t follow or look at Taylor or Nick’s tags. All insults I seen regarding the boys are either from assholes trying to bother me or from people who want to talk about the phenomena, both in my inbox.

Regarding misgendering Casey:

Firstly I’m gonna state the obvious and say of course it’s a bad thing to misgender someone. Don’t do that

However I will also say this.

In regards to the extent of reaction: it’s not always done in malice. And in this case, I think it’s a genuine slip up, which happens. I had to consciously remind myself to deliberately use the right pronouns after my friend came out to me as non-binary. I had to correct my friend using the wrong pronouns when talking about our mutual non-binary student. It’s not ideal, but it happens. It’s not mean, it’s just careless. And please note that I’m not saying it’s ok to misgender someone, no it’s absolutely not but I also don’t think this case calls for a big reaction.  If someone maliciously, deliberately, publicly and repeatedly misgenders someone, that’s problematic, that should be called out by the masses to this extent. This, we should acknowledge, make a note, and move on. I think there’s some cases where the reaction to certain issues are massively disproportional, this is one of them.

In regards to Taylor not correcting Sarah and being targeted for it: Firstly, Taylor didn’t misgender them, Sarah did. Taylor used the right pronouns. In fact when they hung out in New York last August, Taylor used the right pronouns on his Instagram story. Secondly, he might not have picked that up. Thirdly, even if he did, it’s awkward to suddenly cut off a monologue, let alone one from friend or not, is someone on a higher level than you, to correct a mistake that doesn’t directly affect comprehensive. Fourthly, bystanders are encouraged to step into situations, but they’re certainly not obligated to. So placing the blame or putting so much blame on Taylor is ridiculous and unfair.

In regards to Casey’s Instagram story: I understand where the connection comes from but honestly… I think there’s also a possibility that that’s just a post that Casey saw and wanted to share without reference to this issue. They don’t have Twitter, and it’s been several days since the screening. Truthfully, everyone involved seems really friendly with each other, and how this very project is advocating for LGBT rights, I don’t really believe that if they were aware of the misgendering, they wouldn’t apologize to Casey.

So replying to the “You don’t have to post it…” anon, I agree that putting any blame on Taylor is kind of ridiculous in this case, just like what happened in December. I think there’s a portion of “fans” that are fucking around with this and genuinely hurting him, but there might also be a portion of people who have a problematic/complicated perception of this type of situation, and it’s not targeted specifically towards Taylor. Either way I disapprove with what they’re doing, but here’s a hypothesis.

Regarding the damage these stuff causes:

I’ve addressed the insults thrown at Taylor multiple times by now. And I kind of agree with “I hate that there are idiots…” anon that really disgusting insults thrown at Nick tend to be overlooked, it’s not like there’s no Nick haters, there is. But because of the inherent racism, attacks on Taylor are much more obvious. Either way it’s cruel and disgusting and the boys don’t deserve to be thrown insults like that, nor do they deserve to have people enact cruelty in their name. Rarely is anyone deserving of that, and in the case of these two boys who have been proven to kind and wonderful people, it’s definitely wrong.

I’m tired of reading and seeing these bullshit on social media as well, which is why I actively avoid it, but “You don’t have to post it” anon, I definitely understand and share your worries of this fucking up the boys mental health.

But the sad truth is that we can’t decide what he can see and what he can’t. We’re just gonna need to trust him, to believe that he knows how to regulate the exposure of response he gets, that he knows what comments matter and what don’t, that he knows how to take care of his mental health. He actively avoids twitter, so I think he has an idea on what he can engage with an what he shouldn’t. Same goes with Nick, all we can do is believe he knows his mental health and how to regulate it. Meanwhile, those of us who aren’t assholes, we’ll show them all the love we have for him. I think public figures all struggle with this to some extent, so when they stepped into this career, I believe they saw this as a possibility, so they’re prepared to some degree. That doesn’t make any of this okay, but again, ultimately, we’re not people directly in their lives. We can’t do anything else practical.

Ultimately I want to say, be kind, compassionate and considerate. We can’t control what others do, and truth be told when it comes to the majority of the haters, I don’t think calling them out will change anything. They have their mind set. So the best we can do, is manage and control what we say and do, and to some degree, what we see and engage with.

[lalosaki030]

shitty take warning

i should have had more abusive parents, I've come out soft and pathetic and sheltered.

I'm glad I can be the abusive parent to myself, I guess.

Idk man

[ultrvmonogamy]

How are u? I miss u bestie

hey bestie. rn i'm feeling a bit deflated tbh. i'm sure i'll be fine soon enough, but wow it just seems like there's always something bad happening for me here like one of my blogs is disappearing or an acct is being termed or a former mutual is no longer following me or a current mutual is no longer interacting w me or i'm finding out ppl r talking abt me behind my back n spinning half truths into hideous vileness or i'm visiting a mutual's blog n am immediately nauseated seeing content reblogged from the most duplicitous blogger i know of n who's made claims abt me that r the actual polar opposite of the interactions that occurred while literally echoing words i've personally said here abt striving to be authentic n genuine or i'm seeing a former mutual's response to a question abt following ppl back that talks abt how they don't rly do it anymore bc everyone turned out to be terrible ppl n knowing that i'm probably one of the ppl they think that abt but for bullshit reasons or like i'm having warm n wholesome thoughts towards someone for a split second before remembering that oh yeah wait they think i'm evil now n r no longer one of my few real friends if they ever were or i'm being told to kill myself or i'm finding myself afraid to reply to a question by someone who's been canceled for alleged disgusting things but i don't know if any of that stuff was true bc i sure as hell now know firsthand that ppl r well-capable of attributing motives that do not exist n yet here i am now paralyzed n not responding bc i don't if my once thriving but now v precarious existence here would survive the association of even answering a totally benign question n so also thereby better understand other ppl's resistance to interacting w or implicitly endorsing my content simply for the just-in-case-ness of it all or like a sick, sick individual who last showed up in my world a few yrs ago attempting to catfish me by leveraging the death of someone i cared abt showed up again yesterday either again attempting to catfish me or sending some likely unsuspecting minion to do her bidding (unclear which) n like holy hell, u know? well the main reason i started this blog n started talking here was literally to vent n to be raw n authentic n just own all my weirdness n my conflict n my vulnerability n my perversion n my trauma n my hope n my fear n my stupidity n my experience n my insight n then when ppl completely unexpectedly to me began to follow n interact, my purpose for it expanded to connect w ppl on a real level w the parts of me that i'd let starve or had starved willfully whether out of ignorance or naivety or learned shame or simply fear of being know n to thereby find resonance n all the while to attempt for all that i'm worth to integrate it in a positive way n hopefully thereby facilitate others doing the same n maybe just maybe if i'm super extra lucky n the moths happen to flap their wings in just the right manners at the witching hour while the moon's in the right phase to be able to offer smth of worth to the world in a greater magnitude than i've been able to thus far n well i'm not going to stop trying to integrate n to connect n to be willing to stand up n own my shit until the day my heart stops beating n even w what is now at times such a stentorian din of noise that in moments i cannot even begin to tell what key it's all in or whether there's even a rhythm let alone where the downbeat went i am going to keep trying to improvise a harmony [some of which intrinsically necessitates my silence], it's still the place where i seem most to find meaningful resonance w others who r similarly motivated n similarly struggling but yeah it gets to be a little much sometimes..

but how're u bestie? n why do u miss me? do we not talk? did we ever? do i just suck so bad at replying that an anon seemed a better way to get a response?

in any case, i hope ur well, n i probably miss u too 🩵

p.s. sry i couldn't spare much punctuation what w inflation n the supply chaine n all the crimes against humanity etc.

[hedonicghost]

How do you get a partner like that (patient and doesnt make fun of you for not knowing things)... Did you rizz em with the tism or did you have to do something special? Asking for a friend who is me

here, i'll give you a step-by-step list to follow. i'm an expert.

you have to be 14 years old and chronically online due to mental illness and also trauma and also the fact that you're in middle school. (bonus points if you're presently in your first ever relationship at this time and it's really really bad (it adds character depth))

you have to be an undertale kin on tumblr and post about it a lot.

you have to have a public vent blog where you talk about really stupid problems like how gender scares you. this will make your future partner dm you to offer advice.

say nothing to each other for a month until you make a post saying that you want to add mutuals on skype. they'll dm you again to ask for it and you'll be able to wow them with your canon character name username (required: a skype account in the 2010's with a canon character username)

next, you gotta ghost them for almost exactly a year.

out of nowhere they'll eventually send you a pdf of the second book in a two-book series. you MUST read the entire thing in less than a week and send paragraph-by-paragraph live reactions to their skype account.

soon, they'll ask you out and you MUST say "oh like platonically?" because you both kin the main characters of the book they sent you and you think that, because of that, you can't possibly have a romantic relationship because they didn't in canon. which, thankfully, they'll somehow find cute so they'll just agree and then you've landed yourself a cool moirail.

about a month later, they'll ask you if they should ask out this super dense person they're friends with. you HAVE to not know that they mean you, and you have to tell them with full confidence that their friend would be stupid to not accept. this will cause them to ask you specifically to be their romantic partner.

???

profit.

tl;dr: not only is it the autistic swag, it's also being queer and mental hope this helps <3

[rainylana]

I followed you on Wattpad because I read your Michael story and I loved the first half of the book so much. You are an incredibly talented writer who I'm sure will/should very well succeed at whatever she does. I loved the way you portrayed both the main characters as they fell in love, went through a lot of trauma, and how healthy their relationship was in the beginning.

That was so beautiful, idk if you're still on here but I do hope you see this, I saw when I came on your blog, how upset you were and I know how upset you must feel, you should really know even if you don't think so, you're such a sweet and talented person, you deserve to feel the kind of love you write/fantasize about. Whether the love is familial, friendly, or romantic. It can sometimes come off as repetitive because I'm sure you've heard this so many times before, everyone loves to give the same speech and I understand hearing it over and over again can be tiring and annoying AF.

You deserve to live and be able to live happily, I'm sorry that you don't have the relationship with your father you used to, idk how different it is but I hope one day you get that in some way or another. I used to send these messages to people but every time I do I always felt so stupid because words can only do so much and people can only hear the same thing in different ways so many times as well.

I've been only here scarcely for the past few months for my own reasons but if you ever need anyone to talk to or just vent to, it won't be a bother, I'm not saying this out of pity, I don't want you to feel like some charity case or pity party because you're not you're just accepting a friend. Sigh, I hope this doesn't sound neither cringey nor intrusive. You should be able to wake up every day feeling the happiness you want and I know I've been saying this a lot but it's because you deserve it, I'm not one to waste my time doing certain things I don't want to so please know that I didn't just send you this because I felt somehow obligated to, or because I had to but I genuinely wanted to.

I hope you see this, if not, I hope you find the happiness and love you deserve, I'll always keep you in my heart!. I'm taking this off anon.

also ugh I really hope this didn't sound horrible or anything.

oh gosh you made my heart SWELL!! thank you so so much for this! this made my night, honestly. i wish i had friends who would say this to me. and the fact you read my old story?? wow what a flashback! i loved writing for that since it was my first. i appreciate you a lot coming on here, please don’t feel bad or annoying because you aren’t in any way!! i love you dearly for this and hope that wherever you are in your own life is amazing like you are. i can tell from this message you have a good heart. thank you so much <3

[nonpretty]

AWWW THANK YOU

Honestly I really really love the idea of someone being jealous of my relationships AND ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE IS JEALOUS OF MY GF. Honestly I revolve way too much of my life around being seen as the kind of boyfriend people are jealous of teehee I'm legit addicted to getting attention in relation to romance(the one thing in life I'm confident I'm good at) like I daydream about being seen as boyfriend material (specifically by pretty girls; fun fact I literally chose my college cause it had the most cool alt girls students in pictures on their site out of all the colleges that had a major I wanted; met my girlfriend here so it was objectively a good decision everyone should do that I think; ALSO IM WAY TOO EXCITED ABOUT THE FACT THAT NONE OF THEM CAN HAVE ME EVEN IF THEY WANT TO NOW CAUSE I HAVE A GF >:) LIKE I WAS THE ONLY GUY IN MY GROUP TO RECEIVE AN ANONYMOUS VALENTINE WITH A LOVE CONFESSION(I also did last year teehee) AND I GOT SO EXCITED AT THE THOUGHT OF THE AUTHOR BEING VERY JEALOUS OF MY GF OMG; damn I sound lowkey mean here...). I lowkey wanna start posting about my relationship to like yanblr or jiraiblr or maybe even girlblogging tags for those reasons BUT I'm scared of coming off as cringe and thus scaring away all the cool kid tumblr tankies I wanna be friends with 😭😭

I really need two separate blogs damn...

(also I'm scared of posting to those tags because like I'm not a girl/mentally ill so I'm clearly not target audience. Like I'm kinda jealous of jirai people on this site cause they have a tag where they can post all their vents to and for people to interact with them... but I can't really do that cause I'm too much of a normie)

rest assured sooo many people are jealous of your gf (she's pretty af and in a great relationship, literally dream). AND REAL LMAO i want to be seen as a good partner, too (in the past I've been called a bad one) but i think my execution of that ideal is ... not the best 😭 wow, now i want to pick a college because of pretty alt girls ... wahh, there are probably not too many in my country, but we persist! someone being jealous of your partner is the best feeling, it's so validating, like yay, you'll never be them <33 BE MEAN FOREVER! oh yeah, i lurked in those tags for the longest time before i rebranded my vent blog as yanblr (later jiraiblr) because i didn't want the cool commies on main to think i'm cringe :p don't worry about not fitting in!! a lot of jirais aren't girls or mentally ill, you will find your people 💯 AND your gf is a jirai, so you can be one too by the power vested in your bond (nepotism)

[sheeperzzz]

Not to vent on main but do y'all got that one friend that NEVER. STOPS. COMPLAINING. Some of this is low-key directed but so many of my friends do it I just need to rant

Like I get being pissed and upset about things in different communities, about ur own skill, about some random shit and needing to complain, but if that's all you do all day every day complaining about this or that or like GENUINELY tweaking out over ships that u don't like, then low-key you're sort of draining to be around. I get not liking your art, I get being upset it won't come out the way you want, but just screaming that u hate ur art and envy mine is bullshit. And whenever I try to boost their skills, theyre just like "Oh u don't have to lie to meee I know it's baddddd it looks weirdddd 😞😖😣" and IT PISSES ME OFF SO BAD. ACCEPT THE FUCKING COMPLIMENT. And then you've got them talking abt how they can't pace themself and getting utterly offended when I try to help or comfort them and then I'm just like WELL DAMN, WHATEVER. And then there's chronically online drama they do nothing but talk about and it's like YOU CAN CURATE YOUR OWN ONLINE EXPERIENCE. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR GRASSLESS SANITY PLEASE START JUST BLOCKING PPL AND TOPICS I PROMISE IT IS NOT THAT HARD OH MY GOD. They're always complaining about how communities are too harsh on them and how awful they all r (this includes fandoms, ones they've been in and EVEN ONES THEY'VE NOT) and just. Please. Get off the phone for a bit. Go do the dishes. Go outside. Talk with some irl friends. Hang out with your guardians. Online is the love killer. Just take a break. For once. Please. I do NOT have the energy for you to constantly complain. Don't get me wrong I appreciate talking but like if all they do is complain about chronically online shit then I do NAWT wanna talk very often to them 😭 AND LITERALLY ALWAYS JUST SHOWING OFF ART OF UR CHARACTERS OR BLORBOS ONLY BEING HURT OR SAD AND REFUSING TO ACTUALLY ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I DON'T LIKE VENT ART NOR DO I LIKE A CONSTANT STRING OF ANGST THATS SELFHATING AND MUTILATING IS SO EXHAUSTING. I have like two maybe three friends who don't do any of these and every time I see the difference between the ppl I hang out with I'm just like "wow! is this what a stable friendship is like?" And OUGHHHHHH Fuck bro